from ESFP to ISFP

It's been a long while since I blogged, and at least 2 people asked what had happened to me.

The trigger was a question from a recruiter if I had taken the Myers-Briggs test, and I barely remembered I did something a few years ago.

So I decided to retake the test, because I'm quite sure we change over the course of time. True enough, I did, but maintained a lot of the previous personality traits. I think it really depends on what's happening in your life at that point of time, what you just went through and also your emotional being too.

When comparing myself to "The Entertainer" personality type, I think "The Adventurer" is closer to what I am now. Not entirely accurate but I can relate to many of the things they described.

moving across continents p2

The last few hours as they disassembled the bed had an almost slo-mo effect. It was quite surreal watching Daniel dismantle the bed. This was the very first furniture in the apartment, and fittingly the last to go too. For some months I lived with this bed as I went around searching for other furniture.

I didn't realise so much dust could accumulate beneath those wood panels! I've moved the bed few times to clean behind it, but the area under the mattress was impossible. I was already not feeling well for weeks, so the dust didn't help!

Daniel worked quietly and diligently while I just sat there trying to take everything in. Now as I recall such memories, I feel so grateful for their help.

Finally (almost) everything was gone. Still can't believe such a tiny compact space could hold so much things.

I was surprised to get this from Nittsu when they first came to pack. It's to hold valuable items when the packing is done. Makes so much sense - especially when things get chaotic and things aren't in their original locations anymore. So I put my mobile phones, keys, passport and commuter pass in here.

I didn't get to capture the truck when they came on the first day, but on the 2nd day when it was mostly furniture. They're going to the storage, in the event that I should return to Japan after my assignment is done.

I've already waved goodbye and said my thanks to the movers but I stood by the apartment entrance as they locked the truck.

There goes my things, in a truck to a warehouse, then to a ship or plane or storage, as they relocate to their new accommodation. I think I was half-dazed by then. Not sure if it was me trying to recover from my cold, or the stress of relocating, or the overwhelming feeling of nostalgia and reluctance of uprooting again.

I guess this time it was different. When I moved from Malaysia to Japan the first time, I was amongst many who wished me well and I was super excited. When I moved from Tokyo back to Malaysia, I had housemates and church friends who came to help. When I moved from Malaysia to Japan for the 2nd time, there was still family like always.

This move, my family offered to help too. My mum, who had just visited me in April, said she didn't mind flying to Kobe again to help me pack. She even offered my dad to go with me to Amsterdam, so that I didn't have to carry everything by myself. I was really touched by their gestures, but I had to tell them the multiple flight tickets wouldn't justify it all.

I needed to grow up (more), (continue to) be independent and really trust in Him. If this was a life lesson, and a phase that would draw me closer to Him, I'd have to go through it this way.

moving across continents p1

It's been such a surreal moving experience. The little cosy apartment I've come to call my 2nd home, was the first I've had to choose and live by myself (previous stays were either in student dormitory or shared houses).

It was quite time consuming measuring the apartment and going to furniture shops, since I had to be creative in fitting furniture, making do with as little as possible while maximising functions. Having said that, it was also fun seeing them all come together. I only got the table and TV rack after more than a year being in Kobe, realising I can't keep eating on a box while sitting on the floor watching the TV!

In the beginning, I hesitated in getting some stuff since I thought I'd only be there 1 year. In the end, all these stuff I had accumulated became an integral part of the apartment. So much so that it was difficult to have to pack them, give some away, and return the apartment to its original state.

Thank God for professional movers though the organising and planning took the most time - especially when I had to decide between air cargo, ship cargo and storage. Each had its own weight limit and restrictions (eg : can't bring natural plants, milk products, wine/alcohol, etc). Had to give away the wreath I made last December, passed the Milo stuff through my colleagues, and decided others could drink the home-made umeshu faster than I did!

There was only 2 of them (with the driver downstairs to make sure the police weren't fussed) but they worked quickly and quietly. It reminded me of when the Ikea people came over to assemble the furniture.

I had already packed some of them in advance, but since they had to inspect and list down everything, I had no choice but to allow them to unpack them! All my things got jumbled up, and weren't exactly in the order I had placed them. I had already made many lists while planning, eg: x box for important documents, y box for toiletries, z box for gadgets and devices, so that I could find my things easily when unpacking.

The first day was mainly for the air and ship cargo. Because it wasn't a straightforward process, the whole packing took 2 days. If I could just pack everything as if moving domestically, that might have taken just half a day. I only discovered some things weren't packable during the first day, so had to quickly revise my plans.

After weeks of planning while also working, I was really exhausted by the time I was left with my bed. By this time, it had been half a day on the 2nd day with the movers. They had gone off for lunch, while I tried to have my final nap on the bed that I had found rest the past 3.5 years.

Thank God I found an affordable hotel just around the corner. So thankful I could move some luggages there while my 2nd home became empty bit by bit. Even though I was occupied with the packing and dis-assembling, I tried to document this process as much as I could.

Heartwrenching might be an overstatement, but I was quite reluctant to move, whatmore to go through the whole process. Just very thankful that it was from Japan and the movers made it as painless as possible.

in love with You

Trying to reflect on His love even as Easter draws near... and in light of recent circumstances. It's been long overdue anyways, and a keen reminder of His patience and mercy.

There's nothing like a shake-up of the things that you thought would be there forever, to get you out of your comfort zone and cling on to the One who is constant.

steady my heart

2015 has been somewhat a better year compared to the year before. I've been truly blessed with having richer relationships and plenty of good memories. Many beyond my imagination.

I look back and think about some of the rocky road that I had to go through in 2014, and realise some just had to happen. Some paved way for other things that turned out to be silver lining. Some remain a mystery, but I learnt that not everything have to be resolved. I learnt that in those cases, it's better to surrender and "lose control".

When recalling some recent incidents that brought up the past, I reminded myself that I don't need to know all the why's. I might have to ask God when I meet Him one day, or perhaps when that day comes it does not matter anymore.

One thing I do know, though, that if I overcome a particular obstacle, it prepares me for bigger ones. It sounds too obvious sometimes, but when you're down in the slumps, it's hard to think that way! If I don't, then I might not know why it happened, or worse still, I'd indulge in pity party and think the world's against me.

So when I listened to an old favourite from Kari, I think of all those messy painful times and recall His goodness and trust that He will come through for me again.

gustav made me wanna mambo

It's been some time since I chilled with some nice classical music. After a heart-to-heart chat with Sute-chan and deciding to spend Saturday evening catching up with me-time, I turned to Digital Concert Hall for some recommendation.

So happened they were featuring a free concert conducted by Gustavo Dudamel and the Simón Bolívar Symphony Orchestra. The piece that received standing ovation was Igor Stravinsky's Le Sacre du printemps. I didn't know Gustavo and this Orchestra were such a big deal until I read deeper while trying to find another version of the encore piece.

This led me to a very enthusiastic interpretation of Leonard Bernstein's Mambo, which made me wish I was part of the audience that evening!

the one that circulates

I have been putting off getting a fan because I wasn't sure how long I'd be in Japan. Mainly because I didn't want to spend on something that would take up unnecessary space, and perhaps I could train myself to withstand the heat.

Coming into my 3rd year, I realised the electricity bill could be reduced, especially with increasing hikes that came with the Jap government's nuclear policies. I searched all over Amazon Japan and finally found something which was compact and affordable.

It's named an air circulator, because apparently you can tilt it in different angles to improve the indoor circulation. When you put it facing upwards near an air-cond, it will divert the cool air around the room.

Of course you can have it straight at you, and it will do the job of a regular fan.

It comes with a dust guard filter, which makes it difficult to get dirty.

Another reason to clean the portable heater, and to store it back into the closet when warmer days are here. I like how they both come in colours matching to most of my furniture. And I can sleep better with cool circulated air, rather than dry air-conditioned chills.

Now why didn't I get one when I first came?!

of scarlet nails

It was meant to be some fellowship time after the home church service. There was Fumin's keyboard in the living room, and I was itching to move my fingers across the keys. Some people were singing, some were just playing instruments. When Fumin was around she would bring out her flute.

Then someone suggested the hoola dance that was performed at the Homecoming Gathering. I had just been observing mostly when they were coming up with ideas, because I really thought we were just hanging out doing stuff.

A week before I returned to Malaysia, it dawned on me that these were all for one of the CPM services. We had to practice our pieces, harmonise our voices, and know our steps.

What made it so fun was that (thanks or no thanks to my Japanese skills), I didn't know we were going to "perform", and so I was just enjoying the time of coming together, and serving Him with our talents.

And everything else just came together on its own; like how we should sequence the songs, who should play which instrument, and what formation would be best for the dance. Then the hoola skirts came, then the matching nails were done, and before you knew it, we had an ensemble who were eager to worship while having fun at the same time.

I still have my scarlet nails, and trying not to be embarrassed when people look, because it's such a showy colour!

dancing in my dreams

Just when I thought I'd sleep dreamless, the one this morning about Barbie caught me by surprise. It's been a year since we last met, and I wondered if that was the reason why it came to me. For what it's worth, it was quite a sweet dream, seared in retro hues and all things nostalgic.

will i dream again tonight?

Excuse while I try to take a breather. It's nice to look back at the pictures I took at The Hiding Place because it's so calming.

Now that I'm back in Japan, still need to sort out expenses not to mention get back to normal routine. Just when I thought after doing some great stuff in Europe, I could take a bit of rest while things go on. Of course life is not that easy. Or maybe I'm just recovering from jet lag. Or the European hours is here to stay.

Been waking up tired because I was still dreaming halfway, and I actually remembered details from past 3 days.

First day was in a school-like setting, with me trying to look for suitable lockers to place different pieces of belonging while making sure they were locked - hence the purpose of lockers.

Second day was rather mystical; the image that stood out was of snow falling and my view getting rather misty due to the wonders of winter surrounding me.

And this morning, I saw some blocks of apartment-hotel that I was staying at, surrounded by what seemed like stalls set up like in pasar ramadan. I thought I had enough supper before going to bed, but perhaps my brain was still hungry.

Some say there are meanings to dreams. Some say it's your brain's way of processing events and thoughts from that day. I think I'd rather have dreamless sleep anytime. Unless, these dreams actually mean something.

EFSP eh?

I've gone through various personality tests that I wonder if any would actually mean anything valuable. So I was feeling a bit sceptical when I found this in my inbox, and surprise, from, of all people, Ms Barbie.

It gave quite an in-depth explanation of the personality type's strengths and weaknesses, and explored the areas of relationship, parenthood, career, friendships and workplace habits. I would say it's for the most part accurate, and I guess I have to work on how to balance the weaknesses against the strengths! Now, if I can find some time to reflect on the results... maybe on the plane this weekend?

colouring my autumn

Where did November go? It felt like the chilly winds just came and swept the 11th month away. Before I knew it, the golds had turned to reds and browns, and not long after, they all came falling down.

Autumn sure was short. I guess it's true what they say; some of the best moments in life are brief. I was a little sad that I didn't get to do much autumn leaf viewing as in previous years. These few months were hectic at work; and will continue to be so into at least Q1 next year.

On the bright side, I did have some time to experiment in the kitchen. I tried making this for Ako-san's birthday, though would have loved to share it with more people. I made 2 versions - one for individual treats, and a bigger one for the group.

I call it my summer jelly cause it's just full of summer colours. I had a bit of fun with the coconut milk and had them guessing the secret ingredient!

Also had some time to host a friend from Tokyo who was here for the Kobe Marathon. I can't believe it's now entering my 3rd year being in Kobe with the marathon starting line just around the corner where I live. What a pity I'm not that into running!

Still, this bouquet made for some cheer despite the colds. Am thankful for little blessings such as these.

christmas chutney

Since I would be going home end of the year, it was a good excuse to clear the larder of anything that had expired was about to expire.

I realised I had this jar of Christmas Chutney with Cranberries that I had meant to enjoy when I had friends over. Better to try it out myself first so that I know if guests would enjoy it.

Initially I thought I had enough ingredients to last me 2 meals, so I kept the remainder aside. However, the mashed potatoes I made tasted so good I decided to go for another serving of everything.

I think I'm slowly gaining some of my appetite back, thanks to some sparks of creativity and God-sent goodies.

rustling already

It's officially autumn. Though the top momiji viewing spots should now be reaching their peak with visitors jostling for the best angle and spot, the temperature feels like it's moving towards winter too soon.

Too many things have happened the past 6 months; I hope I can find some breather before the year ends. I'm still trying to figure some things out, hoping that at least some lessons learnt is the least I'd get even if no answers are forthcoming.

cupful of vege

My cup overflows. I have enough organic vegetables to last me for months. Plus a little reminder of the Tohoku trip.

Though it had been tough months ago, things have been looking much better recently. They will never be perfect; and though some things can never be explained nor fully resolved, maybe it's okay. There is much to be thankful for; much more to do, and certainly the journey has its ups and downs. Maybe I don't have to understand; but I guess that's why life is interesting.

not wasted

Thanks to Lee Sin, I had the opportunity to catch John Piper's session at the Love Japan conference over the weekend.

It's always a treat to enjoy such conferences with international speakers, whatmore one whose book I had just read.

It's funny how life turns out. I received the "Don't Waste Your Life" book as a Christmas gift about a decade ago, thinking it was an insult then. I shipped that book, along with many others, with me to Japan hoping to catch up with reading.

I'm so glad I did. I had just finished that book recently, and understood fully the value of its content. 10 years ago, I wouldn't have known the events I'd go through today that would make it timely for such a message.

plentiful indeed

I had arrived Tohoku right in the middle of the autumn harvest season. All around me were golden rice fields which looked more like comfy yellow carpets to be rolled around on.

As I wondered at the absence of humans, animals and machines at the vast fields to my left and right, I was reminded that indeed, "... the harvest is plentiful but the workers are few."

find Me

While trying to look for sword beans amongst the vines, these oft-repeated verses came to mind.

"Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you."
- Matthew 7:7

"But if from there you seek the LORD your God, you will find him if you seek him with all your heart and with all your soul."
- Deuteronomy 4:29

"You will seek Me and find Me when you search for Me with all your heart."
- Jeremiah 29:13

no words for being awed

Even though I'm at the brink of strangling someone, and the project's at a risk of falling apart if not for the fact that it's being held together very gingerly and pushing ahead almost like a headless chicken, God decided to throw another ball for me to juggle.

Having not hosted anyone for some time, I was anxious that my crib might not be comfortable enough for my guest, especially one I have yet to meet! A missionary based in the Tohoku region which was hit by the 2011 earthquake-tsunami-nuclear plant meltdown triple whammy, Lee Sin was introduced by Bro Ong some time back. He grumbled that we did not want to meet when back in Malaysia. I had the pleasure of hosting her last week before she went southwards to Hiroshima.

I was really encouraged as it's been a long time since I met a fellow Malaysian! We exchanged stories about our experiences in Japan, how we came to the land of the rising sun, and laughed over how staple Milo was to our diet.

Wanting to bless her with hospitality, instead it was I who ended up being blessed by these gifts. I told her I'd pass on the blessings to those who need it more.


Yesterday, a Malaysian grrl from the vendor team came over to stay. Even though we weren't working together, I was glad there was another Malaysian in the company. We were able to share stories from our consulting background, and confided in each other the joys and pains of working in a Japanese environment. (I'll never forget her comment : you amaze me a lot - very strong, determine and independent)

Chyn had just moved to her new apartment but wasn't feeling comfortable and had trouble sleeping, so I offered her my sofa bed to bunk in. The next day she told me she felt happy because she had not been able to sleep all week.

I was really surprised she left me with a bottle of wine. I told her it would be too luxurious for me to enjoy it myself, so I invited her to come over another day for some makan session.

Sometimes I have no words to say when I think of how He amazes me amidst my feeling down and lonely. Maybe it's just PMS, but I'm awed and humbled nevertheless.

though typhoons may rage

I had meant to write a little something to commemorate my being here 2 years.

I was getting a bit restless past few months, and then a bunch of things happened that threw my world upside down. I think God knows I love surprisesvariety and can't stand routine. Note to self, gotta be more specific when wishing for things, even when uttered under the breath.

One surprisingly resolved pretty quickly and amicably; the one that caused me the most stress. One happened unexpectedly, and still is not resolved; the one that is involving more and more people. One turned out to be much relief in the midst of grief and disappointment; the one that left me dazed.

As I prepare to step into a new season, wondering what He has in store for me, I'm humbled by what He has allowed me to experience so far. Even though I was not able to take some time off to celebrate my anniversary here, somehow the past couple of weeks have brought some needed joy in the midst of 2 typhoons.

Invitation to a recital, fruity parfait fellowship with the grrls, a colourful summer bouquet, chocolate almond cookies from home, badminton and bowling in one night, dinner and drinks with a charming group and an intimate tea time over shared stories.