Thursday, August 11, 2011

theatre of madness

It's been a string of negative feedback and criticisms for the past few months. As far as Butterfly could remember, she has not heard anything positive in a long time.

Whenever Butterfly sends out emails or documents to be reviewed, she braces herself for rework and having to answer some questions which sometimes make her feel she's not putting in enough effort or thought into her work.

Butterfly remembers last year as the total opposite. Having the Cream Supervisor to guide her and having to report to the Cream Client were just bliss. Butterfly had her share of learning curves, but they were mostly pleasant.

If anything, "excellent", "brilliant", and "wonderful" which became a staple vocab in exchange for work done, started to make Butterfly feel as if she was capable of a lot of things. Those motivated Butterfly to stay on.

This year everything seemed to have turned upside down for Butterfly. In a different project, Butterfly now had the Lemon Supervisor and the Lemon Client. Knowing the true colours of Lemon Client, even phrases like "very good" have started to lose its real meaning.

Seemed like Cream and Lemon represented different styles of working. Cream being cream, they were soft, fluffy and left an overall smooth aftertaste. Lemon always felt sour and made everyone cringe. Not everyone appreciated Lemon though Lemon being lemon had its usefulness.

Learning curves were now steeper, expectations higher and scope of work wider.
Not to mention power play on a theatre full of fantastic Actors and Actresses all eligible for the Oscars.

Every week the scene changes, with each Actor pushing himself to the front to show the Audience what he's capable of, with each Actress flashing her best smile to convince the Audience she deserves the role.

Butterfly just feels tired. Exhausted even. More and more around her wants to be on the stage. She gets caught in between, accused even of standing in their way when all she wants is to fly outdoors in the garden and smell the roses.

Away from the crowded stage, where the madness is, where masks have become a necessary accessory. But first Butterfly needs to figure her way out of that madness.

*Any resemblance to real-life characters is purely coincidental. Excerpts from this story may be reproduced by acknowledging the writer.


Crowned Fish said...

Maybe Butterfly needs to get out of the theatre altogether. My managers have repeatedly asked me to push for promotion, but I know that means that I will have to deal with politics and compete with other people. They mentioned that "you will be left behind if you don't." But then I thought, God was the one who gave me this job - he will let me move up if he really wants me to. God will guide - I just need to follow and wait until he takes the lead. After all, that is the only way we can have an abundant life.

§nóflèk said...

Crowned Fish : amen, Butterfly agrees with you! she did not come into this job with the aim of going up, but more of learning and see what else she could develop herself in. but Butterfly trusts that since God gave her this job, that He will also see her through the struggles and challenges. and also to be a testimony to those around her, rather than always drowning under the issues.